


What's a God without his Godness?

by VivianDarkbloomD



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Character Death, F/M, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Lost Love, Pain, Regret, Season Finale, The love of his life was dead because he killed her, alternative, he's sorry, losing yourself can make you lose who you love, love is pain, murder song, savitar's regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 03:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11153199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VivianDarkbloomD/pseuds/VivianDarkbloomD
Summary: How can Savitar be carried away by death feelings so blindly?His anger at himself soon transferred to the girl in front of him. The one used to be the love of his life... Not his, Barry Allen! He wasn’t Barry Allen, never again.And he wouldn’t let Barry Allen have his happy ending."If you're trying to get out of this alive, I'd give up. You will die, and I will ascend. As it is supposed to be.’’  He smiled a wicked smile, the kind that Iris had never seen on Barry's lips.‘’I'm not.’’





	What's a God without his Godness?

**Author's Note:**

> I... I needed. 
> 
> I'm still a crazy wa ship, but I do love Savitar t.t
> 
> Anyway, hope ya'll like. It have been a long time since I posted something here.
> 
> Thanks Alyssa for beta!

_Iris was dead._

_Savitar would ascend._

_So why didn't he feel like a God?_

_Maybe because he still remembers. He remembers every little detail in his brief moment alone with her._

 

The slightest touch that her comforting hand offered, as soft as if she was touching a flower, caressing lightly as her thumb moved; Not as if Iris was touching the disgusting scar on his face.

 

Savitar couldn’t help himself, but closed his eyes to the warmth that her company offered him -of course, Caitlin, _~~Killer Frost~~_ , was there with him every step of the way for days. But it wasn’t  the same, apart from her cold as ice presence, completely unlike Iris, she couldn’t bring him this comfort. No one could ever, just Iris.-  and lean close to her, almost as if she had done it with him daily: instantaneous, instinctive.

 

" **I'm so sorry this happened to you, Barry,** " Iris whispered, and he almost pulled her away and yelled at her. MY NAME IS NOT BARRY, Savitar screamed in his mind. But it seemed that Barry Allen's restraint had taken on more force in his inner battle against the God of Speed, all for the simple touch of a woman who as fragile and breakable as a glass. ‘’ ** _I wish I had helped you_**. ‘’

 

Savitar pulled away from Iris, suddenly noticing for what it was: Iris **didn’t** care about him, she just wanted to stay alive to have her so called happy ending next to the **real** Barry Allen!

 

How can Savitar be carried away by death feelings so blindly?

 

His anger at himself soon transferred to the girl in front of him. The one used to be the love of his life... Not his, Barry Allen! He wasn’t Barry Allen, never again.

 

And he wouldn’t let Barry Allen have his happy ending.

 

"If you're trying to get out of this alive, I'd give up. You will die, and I will ascend. As it is supposed to be.’’  He smiled a wicked smile, the kind that Iris had never seen on Barry's lips.

‘’ **I'm not.** ’’ She said firmly, approaching, in her vision, piece of Barry Allen. And it was true. Iris didn’t want to die, of course. But neither was she willing to let Barry lose what made him Flash to save her. Accepting her destiny didn’t mean she liked it. " **I just wanted to help you before, I promised I'd always be there, I'm sorry I couldn’t.** "

‘’It wasn’t your fault.’’ The words slipped out of Savitar's mouth before he could stop himself. He shouldn’t have picked up Iris now, just when it was time to kill her. These old feelings were annoying, but somehow it was reassuring to know that they would be gone forever in a few hours.

 

Loving someone for years can be very exhausting.

 

‘’What happened?’’ Iris asked, and by Savitar's obvious stamping expression he wasn’t going to respond, or would give one more enigma. ‘’I'm not asking you not to kill me or to give up being a God, Barry.’’

 

‘’My name is not...’’

 

‘’Yes, it is! And Barry would tell me what the fuck is going on!’’ Savitar approached Iris, grabbing her skinny chocolate arms that was _so_ as he remembered in his more distant dreams. It almost made him lose his composure, almost.

‘’AND I'M NOT BARRY! I’M SAVITAR, THE GOD OF SPEED!’’ He screamed, completely angry with her and what she made him feel. A shadow of fear was caught in her eyes by him, and for the first time in a very long time, someone being afraid of him, **_she_** , didn’t feel good. At least not in the first second.

 

‘’YOU ARE GONNA KILL ME AND I'M NOT EVEN  FIGHTING!’’ Iris pushed him, the courage of her last moments taking over the control on her body. ‘’I HANDED MYSELF TO YOU! I’M ONLY ASKING YOU FOR ONE LAST THING!’’

 

‘’DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? GREAT!’’ Savitar shook her, a little too hard. But he wasn’t really paying attention to it, his anger, revolt, and another ball of feelings that felt like tonalities on his back needing urgently to be thrown away. ‘’I WAS FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE! BECAUSE I WASN’T THE ORIGINAL BARRY ALLEN, AND ALL OF STAR LABS MADE IT SO CLEAR! AND YOU CAME BEHIND ME, IRIS. BUT, GUESS WHAT? I WASN’T _YOUR_ BARRY ALLEN, AND I'LL NEVER BE BARRY ALLEN’’ Her fear had completely disappeared, unshed tears were the only things in her eyes. How could her friends have made Barry suffer so badly? How did she let that happen? How could he kill her? Could she have changed anything? ‘’THEN, YOUR DEAR ORIGINAL BARRY CAME TO AND TAKE YOU FROM ME. MY LAST HOPE WAS GONE, AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY TO COME BACK TO ME!’’ Savitar threw her against the wall, committing her against it. He had never really guilty Iris for it, and his intention wasn’t to kill her. But if that was necessary for his ascension, he would choose that. Him before other anyone else, just like they did with him.

 

‘’It was my fault. I'm so sorry. ‘’ Iris said honestly, looking into Barry's eyes.

 

"It wasn’t your fault, Iris. I always hated them, I’ve never hated you. The look in Iris's eyes made Savitar throw her on the floor with rudeness, just as he would later do in battle, that fucking blind hope and love. Gods can’t waste time on human bullshit. "I'll pick you up when the time is right."

 

‘’Barry!’’ Iris cried out for him, but Savitar didn’t answer. He's gone.

 

_It was certainly refreshing to see Barry dying in pain as he lost his lover, but why did Savitar feel like doing the same?_

_The future God of speed ran before the answer he feared most could take him._

_‘’Today, I become a God.’’ He said, and it was good to hear that. More than good, perfect, powerful._

_So why couldn’t he smile?_

_The nail of his suit cleaner than the rest of it haunted him a little, not that he would admit it. It was with that nail that he killed Iris. Savitar had cleaned it compulsively._

_Feeling her fragile human skin pass so easily through him, as brittle as a porcelain doll._

_And then she was dead._

_The love of his life was dead because he killed her._

_Savitar growled in anger at himself as he began to run fast in circles._

 

_S_ _he wasn’t the love of his life, it was the love of Barry's life, not his._

_He was a god, and gods doesn’t fall in love._

_But his memories was more lucid than ever now: kisses, touches, caresses, first time, first cry, change of home, natal, engagement, support, pain, tears, smiles, hugs, cries... Love._

**_Love._ **

_Just as Savitar finished his run and became a God, the realization in his mind struck his guts._

_Iris West was the love of **his** life._

_And she died in **his** hands._

_If he was really a God, should he feel the agonizing pain that penetrated his veins now? Or was it only part of his transformation?_

 

_In the first time registred in the history, a only lonely tear fell on a God’s face._

 

_The God killed his Godness._

 

_The love of his life._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me see what you think!


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